I sent a letter

Never Done: Wrote a letter to X

I wrote a simple, important letter to someone who means a lot to me, who has never gotten a letter from me before. At first I typed it, because I don't always have good handwriting, but then it felt too informal, so then I hand wrote it on a beautiful card that I bought at Common Ground Fair -- an illustration of a apples, drawn by my old friend John Bunker. Sometimes I like how my handwriting looks, and sometimes I don't. This time if felt juvenile and inconsistent. I considered re-writing the card, but I had written on my favorite card from the bunch. I considered reverting to the typed letter, but then I realized this was all just misplaced anxiety, and so I sealed it and sent it.

In the months leading up to yom kippur, we do our best to repair our relationships that have become damaged throughout the year. As I embark on a year-long mussar practice, I imagine I'll be trying even harder than usual to prevent damage, and to repair it as soon as I see it. In particular, I am interested to explore what goes on for me when I feel unfairly judged, accused, or criticized. I find it pretty easy to apologize and make amends when I recognize I have made a mistake. And although I have my fair share of defensiveness, I am also pretty good at re-examining situations if someone thinks I've done something wrong. But I have a hard time when I feel unfairly judged, accused, or criticized. When it happens in my political/social justice sphere, I find it divisive and a waste of time. When it happens to me personally, it can make me want to whine, "But it's not fair!"

But instead of whining, I try to act right. I think that the goal of an ethical practice is to accurately assess when I am treating others in an ethical manner, and balance that with making sure that I am also being treated well. I also think that part of an ethical practice is to take the time to get -- and give -- accurate information. Sometimes we hurt each other without meaning it. Sometimes we are the agents of other people's actions. Sometimes people don't know the truth, and make assumptions about us or accusations against us. Sometimes we have to ask people to take public accountability. None of this is easy, but all of it is possible if we have open channels of communication. So I sent a letter. I hope it is opened and read.