Secret swimming and Storm King

Swimming laps

Heat Wave. I'm in the city. Working lots at my computer. Need a break. Hard to imagine having the energy to do much. Think about going swimming. Feel disheartened. Wish the + Pool was already here. (There's still time to donate to that fabulous Kickstarter) Finally remember I could go to Adult Lap Swim. Dash up to the YMCA. Swim for 30 minutes. OK, that's better. The joy of feeling my muscles lift and pull through the water. My mind emptying out, except for up, down, hold abs, turn, high elbows, cool, breath, again again again. Refreshed outlook on life.

Never Done flashback

Fourth of July turned out to be a beautiful day. Anthony was in town from the bay area, and I got to spend all day with him. We went to Riis Beach with Heath and Josh, and saw many many friends there, and we went to a party at Emily and Tara's, and saw many many friends there. I got to swim in the ocean for the first time this year (shehekhianu) and jump in the waves with friends, and run barefoot in the surf, and grill merguez on a gorgeous deck, and still be with Anthony. I'm going to diverge a bit from the selfish joy theme of this year's blog, and have a quick flashback to Never Done. I took a black cohosh supplement, to help me with hot flashes, which have suddenly appeared in my life the way other women have described them. They come, dozens a day, suddenly heating me up from the inside, breaking me out into a delicate little sweat, then they're gone. Until they're back again. It's one of the most curious things I've ever experienced. Not really horrible. More curious, like, "Oh, this actually happens." I think maybe I thought it wasn't going to actually happen to me. But it is. And I started taking some black cohosh, and I said a shehekhianu for that too. And then later at night, after the beach, on the deck, Tara gave me a sparkler, and I had never held one of those, but I did, and it was sweet fun, and it sparkled, and I said a shehekhianu for that too. And then I realized that there's a special joy that comes from new adventures, and that I have been missing that, and that a day with three shehekhianus is a joyful day indeed.

Here Lies Love

I went to see Here Lies Love, the new musical by David Byrne, about Imelda Marcos' rise to (and descent from) power.  Set in a gorgeous dance club environment, in which the audience dances, jumps, and gets moved around as the set gets moved around, the show makes us the literal throngs—the Filipino people—which makes it hard for us to resist the charismatic pull of the Marcoses during their ascent. There is much to say about this show (if you live nearby and can get a ticket, just go) but importantly, the cast is spectacular, the set design is genius, and the direction, well the direction WORKS. Things are happening all over the club at once, and yet with a projection here, a beam of light there, a firm gaze or a strong sound cue in the right direction, we always know where to look, and we never miss a thing. This is thrilling theater, and not just for its mechanics, but for its topic. For 90 minutes we are IN the Philippines. Sure, it's a stylized Philippines, and sure it's shown through a theatrical lens, but when's the last time you went to the theater and were IN the Philippines? Singing and dancing about this historical timeline? Or for that matter, singing and dancing about any military dictatorship? It was, to re-use a word, thrilling. I could not stop smiling, except when my heart was breaking.

40-minute run

Was it the hour-long wait at the DMV first thing in the morning? No? That wasn't my selfish joy?

Was it stress at home? No? That wasn't my selfish joy?

Was it my 2 1/2 hours on the phone with the automated system of the Bureau of Labor? No? That wasn't my selfish joy?

Was it doing wrap-up work for the play festival? No? That wasn't my selfish joy? (Although it was way better than the previous three activities.)

No, it was simply that after the day I had, I went to the gym. My beloved YMCA. My beloved air-conditioned, vast, friendly, welcoming YMCA. And I got on a treadmill, and I started to run, and I just kept running. I listened to my body instead of the clock, and it turns out I had it in me to run for 40 minutes/3 miles. It's been a while since I ran that far. (The A/C helps -- usually I run outside in the park.)

Starting to get my body back. Not that it really went anywhere. But still, nice to get it back.

Third Girl from the Left

I am reading such a great novel. It's that smart, rooted, and entertaining novel you can just escape into, and still care, god oh so much, about the characters. I haven't finished it yet. I am savoring it. I am in the home stretch, and all I want to do is read it, but I never want it to end. Yes, it is that novel.

I picked it up because I saw an indiwire post that it's slated to be made into a movie, and it looked super interesting to me. A story of three generations of women who are all obsessed, in one way or another, with the movies. One goes to see movies all the time, her daughter moves (from Tulsa) to Hollywood and ends up playing lots of small parts in blaxploitation films in the 70s, and her daughter ... well, I haven't finished yet, but I think she wants to be a director. Right up my alley. And to boot, the author Martha Southgate is a friend/acquaintance of mine, and now I am going to go out and find everything else she has written.

But oh, that wonderful feeling of sinking into a great novel. Shutting out the subway. Distracting myself from the wait for the dentist. Reading myself to sleep. And now, the devastating push-pull of wanting to dive in and read to the end, and wanting to stretch it out as long as possible.

DO what you want to BE

And a beach umbrella. And I went to the beach. And I sat on the chair. And I watched the waves. And I read a book. And I waded in. And my friends arrived. And we took a walk in the surf. And ... and then I went to work.

I knew I would only have a short time at the beach, and I briefly considered not going at all, but then I remembered that we are what we do, and we become what we practice, and I remembered that I don't want to be the person who pays bills and goes to work on LGBTQ Pride Sunday, when I could be the person who goes to the beach and then to work on Pride Sunday, and so I put on my suit, packed some cold drinks, and headed out.

Along the way I passed a store selling beach gear, and remembering that I have for a long time wanted to be a person who owns a beach umbrella, I stopped for one and became that person. When I got to the beach, and it was cool and misty, so I became a person who doesn't need the umbrella just because she bought it. When I got out to where I was supposed to meet my friends, nobody was there, so I became the person who enjoys the beach alone, which I do actually, very much. When some  friends arrived, I became a person who puts down her book and enjoys friends. And when I had to leave before most of the other people I know even arrived, I became the person who leaves swiftly and without drama, because starting Monday, I will be the person who will not have some weeks off from work, and I will be able to go swimming whenever I want, or whenever it is not raining, whichever comes first.