Ikea, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways

I first went to Ikea during my Never Done year, and while I took a lot of very pretty photos, there was not one physical object I wanted to take home except for lingonberry preserves. No really, not one.

About a month ago, I put out a call to people to get advice on what kind of bookshelves I should get that aren't Ikea, and people chimed in with good advice—including several people who ignored my ban on Ikea and told me how much they love their (UGLY) Billy shelves. So blah blah blah I got a bid on some shelves from the Gothic custom people, and Josh looked at about a million other places, and when it all seemed complicated and expensive, I gave in and said I'd go to Ikea for some shelves. But when I got there (and only after I'd spent something like 90 minutes there) I realized that everything in Ikea is ugly. No really. Everything in Ikea is UGLY.

Oh, am I offending anyone?

I should also mention the fact that there are people in Red Hook who are living without basic needs met, and the FEMA headquarters appears to be in the Ikea. Which doesn't mean anything about Ikea; it's just an odd shopping juxtaposition. Which I don't need, because I'm already a horrible shopper, if the goal of shopping is to buy what you need. If the goal of shopping is to buy only what you really need, then maybe I'm an excellent shopper, because I pass by stuff I don't need so effectively that I usually leave stores empty handed. This time, after spending 90 minutes scheming and measuring about bookshelves, after having started out knowing that they aren't what I love but that I was committed to them because they're cheap and efficient, after 90 minutes of that, I left the store with a digital turkey thermometer and some lingonberry jam.

So maybe you're wondering where the fun, joyous, selfish part of this was?

Yeah, me too.

I tried to salvage it by enjoying how fast I could walk through the vast space—satisfying the type A part of my nature by following the arrows faithfully, going going going, fast fast fast, past the ugly ugly ugly crap crap crap. That was actually pretty enjoyable.