Shaker Heights

Hello, my old friend the solitary walk. What a pleasure it is to see you again. Even on a day spent with funeral directors, medical examiners, and life cycle officiants. (Actually, these people were kind, thoughtful, and efficient. The rabbi was particularly wonderful. Also, Niel's entire family is incredibly kind and close, so it's easy to be here supporting them.) But still, it wasn't much a day of joy and renewal. I was very happy to be there, to be present, to listen carefully to what I thought people were saying they wanted and needed, to speak up when it made sense, and to let my own feelings about Niel wash over me from time to time. And eventually I needed some renewal, and I found it the most faithful way I know: my own two feet fell in love with the ground. (to paraphrase a wonderful song by Veda Hille.)

No joy today

Yeah, not so much joy or joy seeking. Maybe it's just when I need to try the hardest or look the closest, but yeah, not so much. Hold each other dear. Do the things you love. And all those cliches that are actually right.

Josh's younger brother Niel died unexpectedly Tuesday morning, January 29. We're in Cleveland, where he lived for many years.

My Brooklyn

If you get a chance, go see My Brooklyn. It's playing this week at reRun Theater in Dumbo, as part of Adam Schartoff's wonderful screening series, FILMWAX, whose website is still on 2012, but who you should follow anyhow. My Brooklyn is about gentrification of the downtown Brooklyn Fulton and Albee Mall areas. The corporate takeovers might be a better way to put it. If I had a lot more time, I would write more about it, but it follows the displacement of many shop owners and shoppers, the organizing by FUREE to stop it, and a breakdown of public and private interests, as well as the racial and economic injustice that drove it all. Plus, you get to have the distinct and awkward experience of watching it in a lovely theater/gastropub in a gentrified neighborhood. And you get to support all sorts of good people while you're at it.

But what I will write about, just briefly because there's a lot going on over here this morning, is how great it feels sometimes to sit in a small movie theater that someone has lovingly put together with car seats and beer, and watch films programmed by a truly community-minded film lover. My first found community was in an environment like this, when I found and then was lucky enough to work at Railroad Square Cinema, an independent cinema in Waterville, Maine, and my life would not be nearly as rich if not for spaces like this and the people who create them.

The Best Laid Schemes

But little Mouse, you are not alone,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!

I had a plan. And it didn't happen. I was looking forward to it for weeks. And it didn't happen. At first I got sad and resentful. Because I had actually built a whole day around it -- even asking Josh to leave the apartment so I could have a lot of privacy. (Which he did.) I waited 1/2 hour to see if it was going to happen, and when I realized it wasn't, I got busy doing something else productive. Not joyful so much, but planning some future joy. What was it? My first ever tarot reading, that I bought myself for my birthday.

What did I find instead? Well, I spent some time trying not to be angry. And then I spent some time trying not to be disappointed. Then I realized those weren't very good uses of my time. Because of the way the day was scheduled (the time had been best for her but not the best for me) I had missed my chance to go to the gym or the movies. I trolled the internet a little bit and found that this kid is pretty delightful. A little frightening—not sure how much of this is coming from him or an adult who scripted it, but .... do I really care? Because I took the bait and got off my ass (actually, I sat down on my ass) and did something I've been meaning to do for a long time. I got back to a writing project I've left dormant for months, and I really enjoyed it. I also found myself helped along by this New Yorker article I read last week about Structure. (I also thoroughly enjoyed reading that article.) BTW, I don't structure any of these short blog posts, except by instinct. I just churn them out. But I think there's something to be said for instinct as well as structure, and both muscles need to be kept in shape. The end.

Souen

Miriam was the first person to take me to Souen, for Jappa Soup. I return from time to time, surprisingly not as often as I should, given how much I like it. After a movie at the Quad (Flight, starring a puffy Denzel Washington) I convinced my three companions to go. One had been before and remembered it as that place where they served twigs in water. One had never been. One had been several times and liked it.  Once I heard about the fear of twig water, I decided not to push for Souen, but to be happy with any number of other options. But as it turned out, all were open, and we went in, three pairs of glasses steaming up at once. It's macrobiotic and delicious. I had a plate of garlic greens with broiled salmon atop, and 2 hours in a steamy warm room to talk with good friends. (Plus, I liked the movie more than the others. Well, not more than Josh. He liked it too.)

The Bergdorf-Goodman Museum of Wearable Art

It's breathtaking. It's free. It's open to the public. The hours are great. The collection is vast and changes frequently. The art is for sale but quite expensive. I strongly recommend this museum!

Searching for Sugarman

To be honest, it wasn't much of a joy-seeking day. Came home to do prep for a capsule endoscopy, but someone pulled the emergency brake on a train ahead of us at Union Square. (That makes it sound frivolous. It might well have been completely justified. I don't see any news about it today.) So someone pulled the emergency brake, and we sat on the tracks for about 30 minutes before finally pulling into 42nd street station and getting out to find other trains. It was a 2 hour commute home. I started my prep an hour later than I thought I would and (skip this part if you don't want to know personal things about me) I did it exactly as they told me to, but it didn't work, other to make me nauseous, give me a headache, and a terrible taste in my mouth. And to eventually go to bed, worried. If that's what's called working.

At some point along the way, before going to bed, I realized I hadn't done anything remotely pleasurable during the day, so I clicked on the TV station that tends to have good movies, and found Searching for Sugarman. Damn, Rodriguez is a talented man, and his daughters incredibly well-spoken. Damn, those Swedish filmmakers had a lot of money to shoot that film beautifully. I am only an hour in, so I don't know how it ends, but that's what I have to say for now.