I drank a liter of cranberry water. I had the berry mint B12 smoothie. But I was still nodding off. What to do? Push through? Drink caffeine? Or let myself stretch out on the theater seats in the middle of rehearsal and take a nap? Do you know how great it feels to take a nap in the middle of a group of theater people? Almost as good as taking a nap on a friend's couch when you're with a bunch of other friends. The world is safe and going on without you, and you do the ultimate selfish thing—check out. And unlike most naps, which usually end with a loud noise, naps with friends tend to end when the noise subsides. A gentle way to awaken, just when everyone is done and ready to hang out with me.
Once again I come back to realize that I can mostly feel when I am doing something that is truly, selfishly joyful in opposition to other people. If it seems a little inappropriate, then I can tell it's actually for me. I don't think that's the end game of this practice of mine; I'd like to be able to notice that I love taking that nap in the rehearsal room without feeling that it's a little bit inappropriate.
But I did love taking that nap.