For a few hours I feel like myself. A giant field and an even more giant tent filled with shade perennials, vine fruits, stalk fruits, annuals, vegetable starts. People carefully considering blueberry bushes, and filling their red wagons with native grasses. I took my time and found just what I wanted. I soaked in the gorgeous evening. I talked with volunteers and other members about what they are planting. I considered blueberries myself. When I was done, I pulled my own red wagon out to the road, and thought about last year's plant sale, when I walked home with Alexis, talking about our hopes and plans for our gardens. And with that, the joy became bittersweet.